If being a parent isn't tough enough being one who does it all on her own, with little to no support from the other parent, makes it that much more challenging. Add being a solo-preneur, dealing with a soon-to-be-teenager and there are some days when I question how or why anyone would have more than one offspring.
Something you may not know about me is I never wanted to have children. Kids are okay as long as they are in small quantities for short periods of time. Yes, I know I was one (don't hold it against me), but it was back in the 80s when kids were biologically 7 but behaved as if they were twice that age. I babysat for a total of 38 different families - obviously not at the same time, but I was booked literally months in advance. Two years if it was for New Years Eve. Was I awesome? You bet! Kids liked me. I talked to them like a peer. I could cook and bake basic meals from the time I was four years old. I cleaned up after myself and did the dishes - something rare amongst the sitters in my 'hood apparently. And as this was the pre-technology era, the craziest I got was calling my friend after the kids went to bed - on the landline. I never had friends over. I didn't snoop. And other than once accidently discovering Papa's version of "Bambi" was not the same as that as Disney's version, I didn't go into drawers or cupboards that weren't for dishes. (What the heck was that movie doing with the rest of the VHS tapes?! Crap- now I have to make sure it's where it was mid-way so he doesn't realize it was watched briefly.) Did I mention I had a good attention to detail?
Parents would comment regularly on the drive home about "what a great mother I will be one day." In my head I would think "you think I want kids after watching your snotty nosed brats for 10 hours Mr. Carter I want to have some hellions of my own?" Heck no.
Looking back I think I was in such high demand because of several reasons; I had a strong work ethic, I didn't go out and party - making myself available. I would rather make a whopping $2/hour than be at home with an utterly miserable father. His grumpiness made me want to leave - so for that I thank him for instilling a strong work ethic. Another reason? I didn't raise my rates for 7+ years. $2 an hour. Crazy thinking back. AND that was whether they had 4 kids or 1. I changed more diapers than the Duggers.
Fast forward 30 years and God had other plans for me. I'm glad he stopped at one "blessing" -twins run in my family. It was an easy, and actually enjoyable pregnancy minus 2-3 days. He came into this world right on time. I didn't imagine at the time I would be raising him on my own from the time he was a baby but I knew that I would do everything I could to create the best life for him that I could. I decided then that would keep him engaged in learning, exploring, activities in nature - and I would keep him away from technology until he was at least 12.
Sadly, the last part didn't last that long. While he doesn't have a cell phone (yet), I do allow him to learn coding and edit videos online. He plays games with his web of internet friends - sometimes for hours at a time. His awe of collecting frogs and finding turtles has been replaced with digital emojis, gifs and stickers. Now, he'd rather play or design a new game with some kid in Texas who goes by the username "Potato" than hang out with his mom and go on a bikeride. I have been replaced by a virtual spud.
Understanding that we are in a time where education and having a career is not what it was when I was raised - back in the 1900s - I have told my son that I do not expect or push him to go into a post secondary education. Most, if not all, opportunities nowadays are either created or given to people they know. The reality is that (don't come at me!) - few job postings are looking for a straight, white, able-bodied male. It seems that competencies do have conditions and that criteria and opportunities are determined by what boxes you check off- or don't. Education, skills, life experience can fall by the wayside if someone checks more boxes that are completely irrelevant to the job in question. And my son knows this. He sees this. He is aware. He shares with me that people he has known since they were 8 years old identify as people- and things- that people like myself have never heard of. They use terms that didn't exist a generation ago. Being "normal" (whatever that means nowawdays), is considered boring.
So what's a parent to tell him? I told him what any responsible, caring parent would; if he can make his first million by the time he is 18, he can forgo college or university. Mr. Beast did it. I'm not saying he "has" to go for post secondary education. After all, I don't want him strapped for tuition and have that debt after he graduates that so many kids sadly do. Obviously, I'll help him wherever I can. I also don't want him going for the sake of it. Having gone to University for several years for two degrees, I know first hand the number of people figuring it out as they go along unsure of what they want to be when they "grow up." I was the same. I admire systems in Europe where they decide in high school what interests them. The programs are catered to them and they delve into a ciriculum that isn't filling days and hours with information they will never use. I can't tell you how many time I've NOT used my knowledge parallelograms or the pythagorean theory.
In this precarious time, I believe it is more important to offer encouragement and positive reinforcement than just money for tuition. It is imperative to instill in youth of today a belief - a knowing - that they can pave a path for themselves. A new path. Not the path of the last generation that stays at a job they hate for 40 years. Not the path some "influencer" tells you to take. The path of ones own choosing.
Rather than concerning himself with how many boxes he can check for that potential employer, I want my son to know that he can build something entirely his own - and that there is beauty in colouring outside the lines.
-Julie
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